TTWA

My name is Fiona.
I am far from vanilla, the term we kinksters use to describe unkinky ones of us.
I live in a 24/7 TPE, total power exchange, relationship.
In my relationship, I am what we would call a consensual slave not to be confused with non-consensual slavery.

I live with my Master in the middle of the United Kingdom.
We were married and I was collared by Him on July 15 2006, I was 18.
We are monogamous, which works out great for me because I need A LOT of attention.
I don’t share well but it does work for some people. 
I did try poly prior to meeting my current Master. That didn’t work to well for me although they would beg to differ. I may blog about that dynamic at a later date.

Many would say that I’m a newbie.
Given that I've only had 2 masters in my lifetime.
Both different dynamics.
I would say that living in a 24/7 tpe gives a person a lot of experience in a short period of time regardless how many labels youve had previously and that I will forever be a student.
Learning is a constant theme.

What I hope to accomplish with this blog is to open myself to myself but also to others, reading others blogs has made me realise just how writing can open a window to the soul...a soul that connects us all :)
I am mostly a Masochist but I also get off on the power exchange, internal enslavement and the synergy of where Master and slave meet.
I enjoy being in complete servitude with no rights.

I hope you will enjoy reading my blog, reading about our journey and feelings, both past and present so you may get a clearer picture of the way my Master and I live and are.

Fiona x

Wants and Needs

This is a interesting topic but it's where I want to start.

I am a tpe 24/7 Slave.
My Master found me in the worst time of my life, I wasn't worthy of him at all, I wasn't even worthy of submission, but he saw what I needed at the time and he made me who I am.

Now needs and wants are totally different. 
Most want to be able to spend money freely and have nice things.
I would like to be able to read more or have a dishwasher that empty itself :)

But really. . When it boils down to it all my needs and wants are being met.
I used to want to travel a lot but over the past few years I’ve become a home body out of choice.
So what is it I need. . I need to be on someone’s leash.
I need to be held accountable.
I need rules.
I need structure in order to function on a positive path.
When I don’t have my needs met i stay to waver and make bad choices for myself and for others.

In the bdsm community I thrive in the arena of being under another’s control. Never could I breathe and let go.

I tried so hard to maintain control in my vanilla relationships.
I’m not exactly sure what clicked but it was a huge turn on to be under someone’s power. 
I am naturally trusting so I would automatically believe that others had my best interest in mind.
This opened the door to abuse. 
When Master found me, I was struggling to find someone to control me. 

I too didn't realise that this is what I wanted or needed.

Growing up I was always in control by default. 
My innocence and cute looks have me an advantage.
Caused me to be a brat.
I was selfish.
I threw temper tantrums. 
Basically I had the control at a very early age but really didn’t want it..
It was a lot of pressure.
Trying to make everyone happy because after all, I had the reins.

During my early years of vanilla relationships I kept the control.
I manipulated to continue to be spoiled.
I was very selfish and stupid.

I’m not sure what happened but in the world of bdsm I changed.
I relished in the relinquishment of control. 
I gave it to him.

And here I am. 
And I am truly happy.
Ultimately this is my most basic need and want.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around
you kept shouting their bad advice
though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles.

‘Mend my life!’ each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations though their melancholy was terrible
It was already late enough,
And a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do determined to save the only life you could save.

I am Fiona.
My Sir is him.
I am a slave.
This is the life I saved.